Tolerance

While every person HAS to tolerate something on a daily basis. I believe I have met my tolerance quota for the rest of my life! Here in the last month or so, I believe I have been very tolerant to some things that have gone on. While I'm not here to point fingers or name names (is that the same thing?) I just want to prove a point.

I have some HUGE pet peeves of mine. Most of them, I can do nothing about, except to some degree, tolerate it, and then complain about it =)

1. Disrespectful people. While I am sure I have been disrespectful at some times, I believe that I tolerate this one way to much. I usually just let what is said roll off my back and I ignore it. However, when someone is just straight up disrespectful to my children, or to me about my children, I can no longer tolerate it anymore. If I feel like I have been disrespectful, I apologize for it. I know I have been disrespectful when I feel guilty about it. So, yeah, I'm not saying I have never been disrespectful, but when I am, I apologize. If you want to be disrespectful to me, then leave me alone...and get out of my life.

2. People who say one thing and do another, especially when it is to cover their rear end. I try to be the person who is true to my word. If I'm not, that makes me a liar, and I don't like that. I don't want to be a liar and completely have someone put all of their trust in me, just to have me let them down. which brings me to...

3. People who let others down on a daily basis. I have had my share of this in my lifetime. Whether it be friends or family. I am the type of person that when I am told something, I get all excited and pepped up, and usually I am the one being let down. It doesn't feel good.

3. Driving. Yes, I dislike driving. I think it is that everyone thinks they are the only person on the road and the only thing that matters is that they get to their destination as fast as possible, with complete disregard for anyone else. It is for this reason I usually only drive to church, and the store.

4. People proving me wrong, on a daily basis. This one isn't so much of a pet peeve as it is an annoyance. My husband is the best at this. However, when he does prove me wrong, I usually deserve to be made fun of and we usually have a good laugh. But seriously, who likes being proved wrong?

5. Talking to someone on the phone, and in the middle of your conversation they just start talking to someone else without saying "hold on a minute." enough said...

6. Not having any privacy what so ever. I know this is a price you have to pay when it comes to having kids, but seriously, I would like to change my clothes every once in a while without someone walking in and trying to talk to me.

7. Being told something so completely ridiculous about myself, that I just have to say "What???" I mean, seriously...why on earth would anyone tell someone else, "Oh, by the way, you are rude, you are an inconvenience, you are unappreciative, you are stupid." I'm not saying all of these things have been said about me, but seriously, When I look back at myself, I don't see myself as being rude. When I am spoken to, I speak back, just because it isn't exactly what you want to hear, doesn't mean that I am being rude. Or when I ask a question and someone says "Well, that's stupid." Seriously, I only ask because I honestly don't know, I just want an answer. I was raised in Sperry, there is a lot I don't know.

8. Being told how to live my life. I may ask for advice, that doesn't mean I am going to take it, but I do take it into consideration. I believe that my life is just that, MY LIFE. I don't think anyone should be able to tell me, "You need to live here, you don't need to have any more kids, you need to do this or that." Honestly, maybe you need to be telling yourself that stuff. I decide what is going to happen in my life (Well, with God's help) I discuss things with my husband, we make a decision based on what we want.

9. Being asked for advice and then being told that I need to just let you live your life how you want to. Come on, if you want to live your life how you want to, then don't ask for advice if you are just going to complain about it. enough said....

10. Not being able to do what I want when I want without fear of being judged. I know that I shouldn't feel this way, and that I shouldn't care what others think. But in our current situation, it is a feeling that isn't going away anytime soon. I hate feeling so uncomfortable. I wish I could go back to the days where I could walk out of my front door or in my front door, for that matter, without being judged. I want to be able to sit around and do nothing or be able to go and do something without being judged on it. But, as I know this isn't happening anytime soon, I guess I just have to suck it up and continue feeling uncomfortable.

Anyways, I do have way more pet peeves than this, but these are the ones that are bugging me alot today. I really just felt like I needed to vent on those things, as I realize the only person I can really "talk" to about this stuff is my husband, and he has heard it enough. I'm sure right now I am one of his pet peeves, but he doesn't make me feel that way. He listens (most of the time) and gives me advice, and I really try to take his advice, but it is hard for me, and it isn't my nature to be so laid back about EVERYTHING. I absolutely love my husband with all my heart, and he means everything to me. Just my little rant for today, I am going to try to get on with the rest of my day without letting any of these things bother me (Wish me luck!) We have an exciting weekend ahead, as well as an exciting next week. Lots of stuff happening! I can't wait!!!

Searching and Praying.

Well, this week has gotten off to a rocky start. I have had a terrible past few weeks. I have been very discouraged and depressed. Then, I got an invite to a ladies Bible study. I asked the husband if he could manage the kids on Tuesday evenings so I could go, and he said "Of Course." So, the first night came, and I went. I was very intimidated, but I am just that type of person. It takes me a while to get warmed up. I noticed I stuck around the people I knew the best, and just stayed away from those that I didn't know. Little did I know, that one night could change the world for me. I learned so much in that one night, that I couldn't imagine how I had gone so long without this fellowship and time of learning. Well, to make a long story short, I am in love. This bible study has opened up so many doors to "what can be" in my life, instead of what I just have to accept. I don't have to accept anything that isn't a "God Idea." ( A good idea isn't always a God-idea) Anyways, last Tuesday, I had a lightbulb turn on inside my head, and I realized it was God, and he opened up new doors for me, and I am excited to get things started. However, the moment I knew what God wanted, Satan started coming in and had me second guessing God and what I was to do. I felt so discouraged. Then, I talked to one of the women in my bible study about it, and she was most encouraging to me. I am now content with what I am supposed to do, and am actually excited...Then, in comes the devil again. This week started off sooo well. I was in a great mood and great mindset, and then it was like the world was crumbling beneath me. I didn't go to bible study this past Tuesday because so much had happened, I was overwhelmed and just felt like if I were to leave "the" house it wouldn't be a great idea. So, I stayed home. Did things get better?

No.

Things went downhill from there. I spent all day yesterday with a migraine that made me so sick I didn't feel like doing a thing. I also spent the majority of the day bawling my eyes out. Fear of the unknown, and future, and present just flooded into my head and I thought that I needed to take control and figure everything out. Finally, at the end of the day (well, 5:00) I hadn't gotten anywhere, and I realized, I can't take control of a situation that I have no control over in the first place. God has the ultimate control. We came into this situation, thinking it was going to be the best choice for us, and now I realize, it wasn't a God-idea, so He hasn't blessed the situation. I understand now, what is going on. We are in this situation because we didn't pray about it first, we impulsively made a decision to go forward with it. Where has it gotten us? No where. Yes, God is present in our lives. No, He isn't making us miserable. We have to make a decision on this situation, and you can guarantee that it will be a God-idea. I will not ever make a decision like this again. At least, I hope I don't. It has not only made us miserable, but it is breaking me down. It is to the point where I just don't know what to do. I have prayed numerous times in the past day, and it is all out of my hands now. I can only follow through with what God wants for us. All of this that I have mentioned became even more evident last night, as I was doing my homework for bible study. I came to this realization last night. Before last night, I was an emotional wreck. Here are a few things my book said last night.

"Sometimes we reflect on times we tried to do something right and do it well and still think to ourselves, It should have worked! God just decided not to bless it."

"God can also bless out lives profoundly for our pure-hearted plans even when He can't, for kingdom reasons, bless our idea."

"When God doesn't appear to bless your plan to do something for Him, consider that He wants to do something for you instead. Ask Him what! Then, as He reveals it to you over time, cooperate and let Him do it! Every work of our hands that God truly blesses always originates with a specific work of His in us."

and last...

"Listen, Beloved. You aren't-nor have you ever been-a failure. Anything God has stopped you from doing for Him was only so you's be still enough to let Him first do something for you."

(Beth Moore, Anointed, Transformed, Redeemed)

I read those last night and realized that this invitation to participate in this bible study was Gods way of helping me with this situation. Not only does it help out now, it will help out in the future.

A good friend at church last night told me that she had been praying for me and my headaches the past few days, and said "I have realized that when I recognize that satan is tempting me or trying to deceive me, if I say out loud for him to leave me alone, it helps. Maybe you should try that." Those weren't her exact words, but that is my summarization of what she said.

So here it is, "Satan, GO AWAY. YOU will not win! In the Name of Jesus Christ, LEAVE ME ALONE!!"

Boy, does that ever help!

Who's Crazy????

Yeah, we all are! I discovered this while talking to my sister on the phone yesterday. Her husband kindly said that we are all crazy. I replied with "He's crazy!" Greg replied with, "It takes one to know one!" But you know, it is all true. We all have crazy tendencies. I'm sure everyone in the world has someone that thinks they are crazy. What does this have to do with my blog today? Absolutely nothing =)

Anyways, life right now in the Buckner house, is well, crazy.

Our weeks are so full, and the kids aren't even in school yet. Sundays are church days and then clean up the old house days. No, we still aren't done with that doggone house yet. We think we are finished, and then it turns out it still isn't good enough to put on the market. Am I happy about that? No. But that is a different story. Mondays, are daddy works while mommy watches the kids and then go over and work on the house. Tuesdays, Addison has gymnastics, and I have started doing a ladies Bible study, Wednesdays are church, Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays are all work on the house days. Will it ever end? I am at the point where I think this stupid old house is never going to be on the market, because well, I assume it will never be good enough. Quite frankly, I am sick and tired of spending every free moment of our lives over at that house because it means the kids are stuck playing the Nintendo Ds while Mommy is in one room, and daddy is in another. I don't like my kids to play video games much. I think they can apply themselves in better ways, but it keeps them busy and quiet while we are working. I have not gotten to spend a free moment with my husband in quite some time. I need my husband, we need to have time to talk to one another and not just the routine "I love you, I love you toos." Yes, I guess I could not go to my ladies bible study, but then, that is one more night we would be over at that house. I still wouldn't get to spend time with my man! Life is very difficult for us right now. The transition of moving is a lot harder than I thought it would be, and we are trying our hardest to make things work, but it is proving to be very difficult. I have spent countless hours crying my eyes out because I am super stressed and angry and frustrated, and by golly, I just want to give up! But, we sacrificed a lot to be where we are at right now, some days it seems worth it, some days, it doesn't. I don't know how much longer I can take this life, but I am trying my hardest to give it all to God and let him carry me through. I have realized that I can't do it all myself, I can't walk down this road anymore. God will have to carry me the rest of the way.

Anyways, I am loving my ladies Bible study. We are doing, Anointed, Transformed, Redeemed. It is amazing. I love all the ladies that participate and I am enjoying getting to know them better. It helps to know that these ladies have my back and are more than willing to help out with anything. I love it. I can't wait to go tonight. I have aaaalllllllmmmmmoooooosssssssttttttt finished my homework. I am struggling with some things and it is proving to be very difficult.

Anyways, I think I just really needed to vent some more about that dadgum house. This might be the task that completely ruins me and breaks me. I hope not. I know that God is there, and if this situation is not at all possible, He will help me fix it or help me regroup and change our lives to go in a different direction. Whatever He choses to do, I am more than willing to go!!

Well, Mom and Grandma are on their way over here. I am looking forward to a great visit!

Moving???

Yep. We did it! We finally moved into the new house.

Yeo. We still aren't done with the old house.

As difficult as a process moving can be with 3 kids (and a husband), we made it happen. We were VERY fortunate to have a family friend come down and watch the kids for the week we were moving. That meant, I could pack, load up, unpack, go back and do it all however many times it took, without having to worry about my kids being in the way and not being able to get anything done. It took the entire week to get fully unpacked. Well, that is a lie. We aren't fully unpacked. We still have the office left, but we don't have the bookshelf we want yet, and what is the point in unpacking stuff, just to have to pack it up again?

We are loving the new house...it was a difficult transition to go from 2 full bathrooms, to 1 full bathroom and a bathroom with only a sink and bathtub. I'm not complaining, it is just "God forbid that one of the kids has to go to the bathroom while mommy or daddy is showering." These kiddos have the worst timing...so yes, I have taught Logan to pee outside! Addison doesn't understand why she can't. Anyways, I love living here. I love cleaning this house. No, I don't have pictures yet. Yes, I will take some...one day.

Kamryn is now walking...ALL OVER THE PLACE. And, she is drinking whole milk...only...the only milestone left for her, is drinking out of a cup. I can't bear to break my last baby of the bottle yet. I can't believe how she has grown. Oh yeah, she FINALLY has 2 teeth!

Logan and Addison are good. They are enjoying their playroom to the fullest. We finally got their TV hooked up and all, and so they play in there, or Logan goes into his room and plays while Addison stays in the playroom...and guess what?? NO FIGHTING!!!! That has been the greatest thing.

Well, I hear all 3 kids calling for me to get them out of bed. I don't mind doing that in this house =)