Searching and Praying.

Well, this week has gotten off to a rocky start. I have had a terrible past few weeks. I have been very discouraged and depressed. Then, I got an invite to a ladies Bible study. I asked the husband if he could manage the kids on Tuesday evenings so I could go, and he said "Of Course." So, the first night came, and I went. I was very intimidated, but I am just that type of person. It takes me a while to get warmed up. I noticed I stuck around the people I knew the best, and just stayed away from those that I didn't know. Little did I know, that one night could change the world for me. I learned so much in that one night, that I couldn't imagine how I had gone so long without this fellowship and time of learning. Well, to make a long story short, I am in love. This bible study has opened up so many doors to "what can be" in my life, instead of what I just have to accept. I don't have to accept anything that isn't a "God Idea." ( A good idea isn't always a God-idea) Anyways, last Tuesday, I had a lightbulb turn on inside my head, and I realized it was God, and he opened up new doors for me, and I am excited to get things started. However, the moment I knew what God wanted, Satan started coming in and had me second guessing God and what I was to do. I felt so discouraged. Then, I talked to one of the women in my bible study about it, and she was most encouraging to me. I am now content with what I am supposed to do, and am actually excited...Then, in comes the devil again. This week started off sooo well. I was in a great mood and great mindset, and then it was like the world was crumbling beneath me. I didn't go to bible study this past Tuesday because so much had happened, I was overwhelmed and just felt like if I were to leave "the" house it wouldn't be a great idea. So, I stayed home. Did things get better?

No.

Things went downhill from there. I spent all day yesterday with a migraine that made me so sick I didn't feel like doing a thing. I also spent the majority of the day bawling my eyes out. Fear of the unknown, and future, and present just flooded into my head and I thought that I needed to take control and figure everything out. Finally, at the end of the day (well, 5:00) I hadn't gotten anywhere, and I realized, I can't take control of a situation that I have no control over in the first place. God has the ultimate control. We came into this situation, thinking it was going to be the best choice for us, and now I realize, it wasn't a God-idea, so He hasn't blessed the situation. I understand now, what is going on. We are in this situation because we didn't pray about it first, we impulsively made a decision to go forward with it. Where has it gotten us? No where. Yes, God is present in our lives. No, He isn't making us miserable. We have to make a decision on this situation, and you can guarantee that it will be a God-idea. I will not ever make a decision like this again. At least, I hope I don't. It has not only made us miserable, but it is breaking me down. It is to the point where I just don't know what to do. I have prayed numerous times in the past day, and it is all out of my hands now. I can only follow through with what God wants for us. All of this that I have mentioned became even more evident last night, as I was doing my homework for bible study. I came to this realization last night. Before last night, I was an emotional wreck. Here are a few things my book said last night.

"Sometimes we reflect on times we tried to do something right and do it well and still think to ourselves, It should have worked! God just decided not to bless it."

"God can also bless out lives profoundly for our pure-hearted plans even when He can't, for kingdom reasons, bless our idea."

"When God doesn't appear to bless your plan to do something for Him, consider that He wants to do something for you instead. Ask Him what! Then, as He reveals it to you over time, cooperate and let Him do it! Every work of our hands that God truly blesses always originates with a specific work of His in us."

and last...

"Listen, Beloved. You aren't-nor have you ever been-a failure. Anything God has stopped you from doing for Him was only so you's be still enough to let Him first do something for you."

(Beth Moore, Anointed, Transformed, Redeemed)

I read those last night and realized that this invitation to participate in this bible study was Gods way of helping me with this situation. Not only does it help out now, it will help out in the future.

A good friend at church last night told me that she had been praying for me and my headaches the past few days, and said "I have realized that when I recognize that satan is tempting me or trying to deceive me, if I say out loud for him to leave me alone, it helps. Maybe you should try that." Those weren't her exact words, but that is my summarization of what she said.

So here it is, "Satan, GO AWAY. YOU will not win! In the Name of Jesus Christ, LEAVE ME ALONE!!"

Boy, does that ever help!